Christmas Concert, Preschool Style

I have to admit, I'm having one of those proud parent moments today. My oldest is having his first preschool performance and I am more than excited to go tonight. How fun will it be in 12 years when he brings dates home to show them his cute preschool performances? Just kidding, I'm not the kind of parent to embarrass my kids (too much) but how fun will it be in 12 years when he gets his drivers license to look back and see how little and adorable he was at his first Christmas concert, singing "We wish you a Merry Christmas" and "Feliz Navidad". These are the moments that are so wonderful as a parent. Looking from the outside in, I'm sure people wonder how scores and scores of parents can ooh and ahh about their little ones singing totally off key and off beat, probably not even singing the right words and be proud as peacocks, but hey, natural instinct kicks in and you find yourself reliving the last 4 1/2 years of that little one's life in those short seconds and realizing your babies are growing up. They are learning and growing and becoming their own person. How can a parent not be absolutely proud of that?

Volleyball

I have to admit I haven't played volleyball in years...since high school. Not on a team, mind you, so don't think that I'm just slipping back into something that I've known how to do. I simply played for fun with friends and family occasionally. I've had the opportunity this week to play with some people from my church and it is a BLAST! I'm no good (of course) but it's fun to be with people that don't care. I serve underhand (hopefully one of these days I'll have enough practice doing overhand serves that I'll attempt it, but I just don't want to make a fool of myself), I hit some of the "spikes" into the net (let's me honest, it's more of a tap than a spike anyway) and I don't know all the jargon, but it is fun. Thanks to everyone who is bearing with me as I get back into the swing of things, and hopefully even improve on that.

Mommy!

I have to admit that some days, being a mother is the MOST DIGUSTING JOB OUT THERE!!!!! I'm going to vent about my latest potty-training mishap. I had let me three little ones outside for a few minutes so that I could relax and take a breather for a few minutes before I dived into cleaning the house for Thanksgiving. I had just picked up a book, gotten less than a page read when, "MOMMY!!!! My sister took off her diaper again". Here we go again, I thought. But this time, things got worse. The pants and diaper were in fact off, the grossness all down her legs. But what was that on her hands? My goodness, yes! She had somehow managed to get it on her hands as well. Super! Well, I needed to get the diaper and pants quickly and I told her not to move. (Stupid me, I know). So I ran to get the missing clothing and when I turned around, wait a minute? What's that on her face? Honestly, had she just wiped it on her mouth and nose? I sprinted to get her in the shower before it could make it anywhere else. But on the way up there stairs, there went the hands to the face and nose again trying to get the icky smell away. I whisked her into the shower where she put her hands all over the walls. Could this experience be any more gross? Oh yes, I got her all cleaned up, only to find we'd left some presents for ourselves on the way up the stairs. Truly I hope and pray that this nightmare of potty-training will end soon. When will the light click on for my girls and they will do everything they need to do IN THE POTTY instead of EVERYWHERE ELSE?!?!?!

Gratitude

I have to admit with Thanksgiving coming up, I am finding myself grateful for so many things. I've tried to encourage my four year-old to include things he doesn't regularly offer thanks for in his prayers. He thanked God for the ceiling and the floors one night and when he was done praying, I asked him why he was grateful and he said, "I'm grateful for the ceilings because they keep the rain off us. And I'm grateful for the floors because they keep us from falling downstairs into the rooms below." Obvious reasons that they are good, but I was so happy to realize that he wasn't just naming things off that he saw, but that he really thought about why he was grateful for these things. I hope that I may be more child-like in my approach to gratitude and see the gift in everything around me, especially those things that I may tend to take for granted.

Anniversaries

I have to admit I am so proud of my parents. They just celebrated 37 years of marriage a couple of days ago. They have 11 children, 7 children in-law and (almost) 25 grandchildren to show for it. Though Dad has always had a good job, they have never been "wealthy", mostly due to the number of children they chose to bring into the world. My adoring Mom stayed home with all 11 of us--no small feat I'm finding with my own 3. Daily I wonder "how did she do this X 3 1/2?" I know that alot of love and effort went into their parenting, but I'm also realizing as the years go by in my own marriage (I can't believe it will be 10 years in a couple of months since we got married!) that putting all that effort into your children is not enough. To truly have a successful family, you have to put just that much effort or more into your spouse, DAILY! This is so difficult, especially in today's world. Even when you can keep yourself from buying into the worldly ideas of success, it's so difficult to put as much blood, sweat and tears into family as my parents have and always will put into ours. What a tremendous blessing to have such parents. So to Mom and Dad (if you even read this blog) here's my anniversary wish for you: may each year you continue to nurture our family and each other bring as much happiness into each of your lives as you have brought into mine. I love you both so much!

Voting

I have to admit, I went and voted at 6:30 this morning. I didn't know when my husband was going to be home from work this evening, so it seemed only smart to get that done quickly and check it off my "to do" list. I'm so grateful to live in a country where I can have a say. I was trying to explain to my 4 year-old this morning how important it is for us to be able to be a part of choosing what our laws are and who our leaders are. What a responsibility and what a privilege. Sometimes I know I totally take it for granted that I can wear what I want to wear, marry who I want to marry, worship Who I want to worship, and really be who I want to be. Too many people in the world can't say that. And what's more, I look around at how well off I am, just because I live in America, and I'm grateful. I hope that I never lose sight of all the blessings I have because of where I was born.

Les Miserables the Movie

I have to admit I just now watched the Les Mis trailer for the film coming out on Christmas and I'm truly excited. I've seen Hugh Jackman in Oklahoma, but I've never watched the others in musicals, but I think they are tremendous actors and actresses espectially Russell Crowe and Anne Hathaway. What a truly difficult part to play because it's been done so many times on stage with such amazing talent. How hard would it be to try to create this film that would be everything that you as the actors and actresses want and everything that the audience expects. How difficult! I'm confident they will deliver...Christmas is going to be good this year!

Pranks

I have to admit I'm such a mean mom sometimes with the pranks I play on my kids. They're not really mean (I hope) but I do like to jump out at my kids or just startle them when everyone's sitting quietly reading. I know! I'm terrible! I didn't realize how often I must do it until my son started trying to scare me about 2 months ago. He's not that sneaky, but he certainly tries to startle me whenever he can. He's only succeeded once, but I just know that he's got my mischevious side and will scare the daylights out of me some day soon when I'm not on my toes. I hope that it makes me giggle as much as it does when I do it to him. How terrible would it be if I was not as good sport as he is about it? I'll let you know how it goes when it happens.

Music for my Mood

I have to admit that when I feel like I need to blow off some steam or just vent some energy, I like to sing...LOUD! My kids probably don't appreciate having Phantom of the Opera or A Thousand Milesbelted as loud as I can sing, but it does the trick. My Mom used to say she knew what mood I was in by the music I played on the piano. I think that must still be true today. When I'm feeling extrememly happy with lots of energy, I play my favorite memorized songs as fast as my fingers can go. When I'm frustrated, I sing EXTREMELY LOUD. When I'm sad, I play melancholy, slow tunes. When I'm happy, I sing whatever. I don't have enough "frustrated" music though because I realized tonight that I was playing the same song over and over again. Hmmm...I'll have to fix that.

The Next Big Thing

I have to admit I was just thinking today about "the next big thing" and wondering what it will be. I've lived long enough to see so many "next big things" come out. I actually remember when we got Windows on our computer for the first time. I also remember the CD craze and the movement from tape decks and boomboxes to CD players and headphones and then again to mp3 players (mostly iPods) and the earbuds. I also remember the movement from VHS to DVDs. And then again when Blue Ray came out. And do we all remember when beepers were the next big thing? I chuckled to myself as I remember that it was the dream of every kid my age to have a beeper. Older siblings had them and it was "totally in" to have one. And now when I think about it, I realize that big craze is completely obsolete now. So here we sit with our cell phones, our flatscreens and our Nanos. We keep up with friends, acquaintances and enemies through Facebook, Twitter and any other means available to stalk them through the internet. And I sit here wondering what else is out there that will be "the next big thing"?

Cookie Dough

I have to admit, I am a sucker for cookie dough, but over the last several years, I have gotten sick everytime I try to eat the stuff. Naturally, I've stayed away from it. But the other day, I was browsing through pinterest when what should I behold but a recipe for EGGLESS chocolate chip cookie dough. So of course I had to try it. It was scrumptious! And I'm a bit embarrassed by the fact that I scarfed it down in less than 24 hours (I did have some help from the kids and my hubby). Oh well. What's life if you can't really endulge sometimes, right?

Potty Training Revisited

I have to admit I am ECSTATIC that one of my daughters is nearly potty trained. Yesterday in church she was giving a taletell sign that she needed to go potty, so my husband leaned over and told me he thought she must have a UTI. So when I looked and saw what she was doing, I rushed her out and she went potty--at CHURCH! It was awesome! She stayed dry all day without any accidents and so far so good today with no accidents. I was even daring enough to let you take her nap with a diaper today. (We'll see how that goes).  Unfortunately, not much luck with my other daughter. I know it will come in time. But hey, 1 out of 2? I'll take it...for now.

Bonking

I have to admit I totally bonked after I did a bike ride to today. I was totally fine when I got back and felt great, so--like and idiot--I didn't rehydrate and replenish nutrients the way you should after a hard workout. So about 2 1/2 hours after I got home, I slowly got weaker and weaker until...I hit the BONK! Now for those of you who have never reached this point, I'll try to explain it as best as I can. It comes when literally all your energy is gone. You can get up and move, but your muscles ache because the lactic acid is there and every time I stand, I start blacking out. You really just feel like you have to just sit because you can't to anything else. In fact, if there was anything that required less energy, you'd do it because sitting is just too exhausting. What's the quick solution for this? I'll tell you, a tall glass of juice. It's got a high sugar content that goes quickly to your bloodstream; just give it 5 minutes or so. Then, with your newfound energy, you must make a beeline for the kitchen and find something of substance so that when the sugar wears off, you have some real energy to replace it. So there you have it everyone, THE BONK! A word of advice, don't do the ridiculous like me and do this to yourself. It's NOT WORTH IT!!!!

Homemade Bread

I have to admit I LOVE homemade bread. I haven't made much in the last few years because, let's be honest, I haven't really felt up to it with the ages of my kids. But today, I was looking through a cookbook my Mom sent me that ladies from her Church had put together. I found this really great French Bread recipe that only took 10 minutes prep, 40 minutes rising and not quite 25 minutes cooking. It turned out so scrumptious! And it was super easy too, which is a must in the kitchen with me. I'm eating so much of it, I may just have to make some more tomorrow. Yum!

Cruella DeVil Eating a Candy Bar

I have to admit that the quotes me sister forwarded to me are sadly true of me. The first one says, "How is it I can start out the day as Mary Poppins on to end the day as Cruella DeVil." Now I don't know if I really start the day out as Mary Poppins, but I'm pretty sure I don't start the day out as Cruella DeVil...most of the time. But somewhere around 4-5pm when my husband isn't going to be home for several more hours, the kids are tired of me, dinner needs to be made and the house looks like a bomb went off in it, my mood changes and suddenly Cruells rears her ugly head. "Don't fight...Quit making messes...No you can't have a treat...Because we're going to eat dinner soon, that's why...I can't play right now, I have to make dinner...Spaghetti...Well I'm sorry you don't like spaghetti, but that's what we're having...Can everyone be a little bit quieter?...I wish Dad were here too..." And then I snap from the mundane to the nasty and my voice reaches a level that I would be embarrassed for anyone to hear. Why can't I stop it? Hmm....if I could answer that, I guess it wouldn't happen anymore. I'm working on that.

The other quote that makes me laugh (out loud) every time I read it is, "Here's to every mother who has ever eaten a candy bar in the closet because, frankly, you didnt' want to share". Now I've never actually taken to my closet to eat a snack/treat/candy, but I have hidden from me kids in the kitchen to scarf down some sugar and try to hide any telltale signs. Sometimes I think it's selfish, but when I think about the meals I've made and plated for everyone, only to have my kids not eat their's but come and eat mine--which is EXACTLY the SAME as their's--I stop and pause...Is it too much to have a snack to oneself after sharing (from AM to PM) my bed, pillow, bathroom time, drinks of water, breakfast, snacks, shower/bath, piano, lunch, garden gloves, gum, dinner, dessert, journal space and husband (yes sometimes I feel extremely selfish about that too) not to mention that I've spent all day trying to help them in every way possible? Maybe it is...

In any case, these are my admitions, my thoughts and my deep dark secrets. Now you know....

The Great Debate

I have to admit, I'm a little bummed about things not working out as I had planned with my family to do the Ragnar in February. (Ha! I'll bet you all thought I was going to go off about last night's Presidential Debate. Not today my dear friends, not today). I'm still planning on doing it and I'm hoping that several of my family members can still do it, but I had these grandiose plans of having a team completely made up of my siblings and their spouses. But life happens and some have had to drop out for lame reasons such as getting pregnant and becoming foster parents. Just kidding, but hopefully one of these next few Ragnars, we'll be able to get a family team going. In the meantime, those who can make it from my fam and those of my friends who are brave enough to be on the same team as a bunch of crazy siblings will just have a blast come this February. And if it isn't a blast on the day of, it certainly will be a blast when the memory fades of how hard it was physically. Happy running to all!

Itchy Eyes

I have to admit that I really feel like it would feel heavenly to pretty much scratch my eyes out right now. I have pretty bad fall allergies and on the days the wind blows, I get so many allergens in my eyes that they look like I'm high and I'm sure I look like someone possessed because I can just rub and rub and rub my eyes until they hurt. Oh well, they'll only last for another couple of weeks. Here's to Benadryl and Zyrtec-D!

Plumbing

I have to admit I went to the library and got a book on plumbing. I decided a while ago (and I'm just now getting around to it) that I need to know something about everything. So, having recently taken advantage of the requesting of books from all over the county, I came in possession of a book about plumbing. Wouldn't it be great if I could know enough to caulk around my sinks and tubs? I'd feel very very accomplished if I could change out fixtures. And maybe I wouldn't get the run around when I needed something fixed if I could give an idea of what the problem is. Or maybe even fix it myself. Lofty goals, I know, but this is my attempt to be an educated person. For so long I've been doing the mothering thing that I've gotten to know alot about topics that have to do with children, like disciplining, potty training ideas, crafts for preschoolers, and the like. But now I think it's time to broaden my horizons and learn practical things that don't necessarily have to do with parenting. Moderation and balance in everything...including knowledge.

Sweet Potato Chips

I have to admit I've found a new favorite snack. It consists of Costco's Fire Roasted Red Pepper Hummus and homemade sweet potato chips. My mother in-law clued me in to the sweet potato chips and I'm not sure whether to be grateful or perturbed because I could eat SO MANY of those!!! I cut them into chips, shake a little smoked paprika on them and bake those puppies on 350 for about 10-15 minutes (depending on how thick you cut them). If you like them more crispy you can cook them on each side to crisp them up. I'm usually too impatient to let them crisp up so I just cook them through and then just use them to dip into that yummy hummus. Is it ridiculous when you can't wait to feel hungry again so that you can eat some more? Okay, so maybe I'm overdoing a little bit, but truly I eat them almost every day. Yum, yum, yum....

Chocolate-covered Almonds

I have to admit I just polished off about 30 chocolate covered almonds. Once I start popping those, I just don't seem to have much self-control. I guess the self-control is going to have to come in the form of not taking the first taste because I am a goner after that. That's pretty much the way it is with all snack food. I am actually quite good and not buying any junk food. On those off days, though, that I find myself weak in the grocery store, I swear I gain about 5 pounds. Once it's in my house, there is no self restraint. Moderation? What is that? Gluttony, here I come!!!! I guess it comes down to that fact that we each in our own way have to find the best way to exhibit those heavenly qualities we so desire, like self-control.

Today

I have to admit I am completely drained today. No catastrophe happened, it has just been exhausting. Little things like children tossing things out of the shopping cart (nothing breakable luckily), tossing rocks into the pool (the little tiny ones that get stuck in every place in the filtering system), children not being very obedient, my husband's ever-changing work schedule and lots of noise seem to just chink away at my energy until my normal tank and my reserves show up empty. Thank heavens for bed time to rejuvenate so that tomorrow I can be a better mom and have the drive to be productive again. As for the rest of tonight, I'm going to curl up with a great book or veg in front of a sappy romantic movie. Food for my soul, I tell you, food for my soul.

Kids say the darnedest things

I have to admit sometimes I laugh out loud at what my kids say. Yesterday I was cooking in the kitchen and I heard my kids grunting and screaming at each other. As I walked out to see what the problem was, I heard my son yelling exasperatedly at his sister, "I kidnapped you fair and square!" I couldn't even suppress my laughter.

This morning while we were all playing together, my son was taking some of my puzzle pieces. When I asked him not to, he replied, "I like to steal stuff". Only out of a child's mouth right?

Les Miserables

I have to admit yesterday I went to my first play that wasn't a college or high school production and it was FANTASTIC!!!!!! My friend's sister had kidney stones and couldn't go (sad for her) so she asked me to go. Can I just say that there are some incredibly talented people out there!!!! I've always considered myself somewhat of a singer, but I'll tell you what, never in a million years would I want any of those people to hear me sing. I had goose bumps practically the whole time because the music was so tremendous. The orchestra was amazing and, though I've never thought about it before, I actually stopped to think yesterday about how talented the sound tech was because everything sounded just like a recording. Who knew that there was such talent in the world? I'm joking of course, but I think I got my first taste of something that I've got a newly discovered insatiable appetite for. "Wicked" is showing here in March and April of next year and I think I'm definitely going to have to go. Any takers to come with me?

Allergies

I have to admit I hate having fall allergies. Who knew that allergens would be more abundant (or maybe just potent) in the fall? I certainly didn't. But I'm more than a little tired of taking a Zyrtec D right before bed and still waking up at 2am every night to blow my nose a few times to get all that yuck out. Last year my allergies lasted for about a month, but I'm really hoping that things will cool off sooner and hopefully cut down on the allergy time. Otherwise the people around me are going to wonder why I can't have more social poise than to snort and snuff everywhere. And the sneezing?! It's like I can't control my whole body heaving as it tries to expel the allergens. BLAH! To those who are in my vacinity when this happens, I'm just going to put out a general I'M SO SORRY!!!! I didn't realize how loud my sneezing had gotten either until I was sitting in my kitchen and all of a sudden I hear my 2 year-old daughter yelling "AAAACHOOOOO" as loud as she could. I had to laugh when I realized she must think that I'm trying to sneeze as loud as I can. Okay, I'll admit sometimes at home I try to let it out loud, but usually the sneezing is so violent that it's just how they come out. I just hope they realize I'm not trying to do that before they do something I'll regret in public. Happy fall, y'all!

A sweet Sweet Tri

I have to admit I had so much fun doing my triathlon. I went into it having trained some, but I didn't think I was going to do as well as I did last year, but I reached my goals for this year. I wanted to break 1 hr 30 minutes and I did that which also achieved my other goal of beating last year's time. So all in all, it was a GREAT triathlon. I convinced my sister and brother in-law to do it with me. I think my nervousness before the race drove my sister crazy because I was pointing out everything little thing that maybe I should try or that I thought was a drawback and she just kept saying to me, "You've got to STOP! You're making me so nervous!" But how can a jabbermouth like me stop the total onslaught of words streaming through my brain from just pouring out my mouth when there's that much adrenaline pumping through me? I honestly was exhausted even before I got into the pool to start because I had had adrenaline for about 2 hours just coursing through my veins. When it was all over, I really felt like I had run a marathon because of the adrenaline drain. Next year my goal is to take another 10 minutes off my time and NOT get so nervous! Happy tri-ing!

Road Trips

I have to admit our long road trip was a whole lot better than I anticipated it being. My husband has been working LONG hours lately and I thought it was time I took a long road trip to visit our parents and let the kids have time with their grandparents. So Sunday night, two weeks ago, I packed up my 4 year-old and my twin 2 year-olds and embarked on a 2,200-mile road trip. We drove the first few hundred miles to Las Vegas easily and that night as I lay in bed I had to say a prayer of thanks that the trip had started out so well. My sister accompanied us on the next 700 miles with her 3 year-old and 2 month-old. She was a champ considering we did it all in one day. At about 9 o'clock on day two, a lone van drove slowly into the driveway of Grandma and Grandpa's house with 5 children who were done riding in the car and 2 adults who were BEYOND done. Thank heavens for 2 loving aunts and Grandma and Grandpa who did so much to make life easy. We went to Bear World (it was a huge hit with the kids), to the splash pad, on the carousel, to Green Canyon and played an ample amount of the Wii. It was tremendously relaxing and the my kids loved, loved, LOVED being there! After a short 4 days, we turned around and headed back down to Utah (only a 4 1/2 hour trip) to visit our other grandparents. We got treated to Seven Peaks--twice (thanks Uncle Reed and Aunt Katie!!!!), the beautiful Bridal Vail Falls, the treehouse play place at the University Mall, and lots of cousins and aunts. The 6 days spent there flew by too fast and as each day passed, I began dreading our trip back home more and more. Granted, the kids had been angels up to this point, but there is always a breaking point right? It would be my luck that their breaking point would be on a long stretch with 8 or 9 hours still left and I would just start bawling. Luckily for me, I have a wonderful mother in-law who, I'm sure, could see the color draining from my face as the hours ticked closer and closer to our departure. What person in their right mind would do that drive alone? So she drove all 13 hours with us just to turn around a day later and fly back home. I definitely would say that there were guardian angels looking out for me and my kids. I drove the whole time and never felt the least bit sleepy. My kids were absolute angels. I've had more crying and whining going to Costco than I had on that whole car trip. Will I do it again next year? Absolutely. Will it be as successful? One can only hope...

Losing Ground

I have to admit I had my ego smashed this morning and served up to me on a platter by my riding friend, Sarah. We haven't been able to ride together for a few months and when we last rode, we were about at the same spot. However, in the last few months, she has obviously been working MUCH harder than I have and she smoked me today on our ride. There was nothing pretty about the way I was riding. I was stinky, sweaty, huffing, wheezing (gasping at times) and my face was--I'm sure--a sweet beet red.  She kept her pace the whole time on the flats and the climbs and it was extrememly humbling as I dragged myself after her. My goal for next time? To get back to where I was so that we can ride together again without her having to wait for me and pretend that it was even a workout for her. Thanks for the great ride, Sarah!

Storytelling

I have to admit my husband is a very talented storyteller. I'm not sure what made me think of it today, but I was thinking back on our days in college. Graduating with a degree in English, my husband had to take many writing classes; some he enjoyed, other he endured. One class he took focused on children's literature, so naturally one of his assignments was to write a children's book. The idea was about a little boy whose family had sold their house and were moving to a new neighborhood. On the day of the move the little boy didn't want to leave the house because he was afraid that if he moved, he wouldn't be able to have a birthday anymore. For the life of me I can't remember the end of the story, but I do remember thinking "Wow! That was a really clever story. If I were a mom, I would buy that for my kid". Now that he is a Dad, he tells our son a new original story each night. And each morning I'm treated to the tale, retold by my son (perhaps not as eloquent, but definitely still compelling). It's no less entertaining when my husband tells a story to me. He definitely has a way with words, always saying precisely what he means. Somehow out of the same vocabulary that I have, he's able to sound eloquent, mature and clever. I, on the other hand, seem to fumble over my words, give WAY too much information and never get to my point. Hopefully practice can make perfect because I do try not to be that way. But hey, if we were all talented in the same areas, life would be boring, wouldn't it?

Painting

I have to admit, I've never let me kids paint...until today. The very thought of letting three little ones have at it with paint has always set me on edge. I've seen way too many people's houses that have been beautified with their children's creativity that I've kept paints far away from my kids. I've already had to scrub marker, crayon and colored pencil off the wall. Why make it horrific by adding paint into the mix? But I've been thinking recently of how strict I am in what I will and won't let me kids do. My mom wasn't that way, why am I? Really what's the worst that can happen? Paint gets everywhere. So? Really what matters most? My children or my things? That's not to say that I don't want to keep things nice, but really my happiness revolves around my children, not my material possessions. If it revolved around those, what on earth would possess me to have kids? So today I forced myself to get over my fears and let them paint. I got a Dollar Store vinyl tablecloth, a thing of CrazyArt washable paints some paintbrushes, paper, I stripped my kids down and let them have at it. I think my favorite part of it was this:

The paint looked like this when we were done. Can you even tell what colors they are supposed to be? I sure couldn't as I was replacing the lids. But you know what I realized? The kids don't care. They loved painting--the paper and themselves--and everything else is just water under the bridge. So moral of this story for me is: sometimes I need to face my fears and let my kids do things that scare me to death because I may find, like I did today, that it's not as bad as I think it's going to be AND the joy my kids get from doing it offsets most of the frustration it causes.

Sheer joy, I tell you

Admiration

I have to admit I have such tremendous admiration for a woman that I've never met, but who married one of my high school friends. He passed away last year from brain cancer and I have followed her blog since then. Not only is she much more eloquent than I'll ever hope to be, but each blog post somehow combines the deep feelings of sorrow she feels at losing the daily companionship of her beloved husband, but she also shows her faith every day that she will be reunited with her love when she passes on. I think about any of the things that I have to go through day to day and I'm a bit ashamed that I dont always do it with the faith, poise and strength that she does. But I'm grateful for her and all those people in my life who, whether they know it or not, are a great comfort and strength to me. I'm a better person each day for the examples around me from siblings, parents, friends and yes, even strangers whom I've never officially met, but who uplift me and make me better through their strength. So to all of you out there who've touched my life without even knowing, thank you from someone who needs these great examples in her life.

Teaching

I have to admit I'm feeling like a bit of a failure today in the mothering department. Do you ever have days when your kids learn new things that aren't good? Today my kids were having a hitting fest and I hadn't the foggiest idea where they learned it nor how to stop it. It seemed like I was pulling kids apart ALL DAY LONG! That would be bad enough, but one of my girls has picked up screaming at the top of her lungs and an already frazzled mom + out of control high-pitched screaming at the top of her lungs = just not good. Let's just say I know where she gets her volume from because I found myself matching her, not in pitch, but definitely in decible level in a desperate attempt to get her attention and get her to SHUT UP. (Luckily I did keep myself from saying that today. All I did was yell her name). Finally, why, in spite of all my best efforts, do I feel like most of what I'm saying goes in one ear and out the other? I know my dear mother will laugh at my next statement, but I really felt like I was a pretty obedient and helpful kid, even when I was young. I helped clean up. I helped make my own bed. I helped clean up the dishes after meals. I never remembering hitting my siblings. Am I just delusional? Do I wear rose-colored glasses when I look at my childhood? Even so, I need to know: How many years does it take until your kids really help? How many years does it take until they'll clean with you? How many times do I have to say STOP FIGHTING!? I know what you're all thinking, "Ha! Just you wait. Your kids are 4, 2 and 2? Oh, honey, you've got a LONG road ahead of you." Inside I know my kids are still very young and maybe I'm expecting too much out of them. Or maybe I'm expecting too much out of all of us. Learning takes time and so does teaching. Patience, patience, patience. It's in short supply around here, but hopefully a good night's rest will replenish it.

True Love Stories

I have to admit (I'm going to get up on a soap box for a minute) I take issue with some love stories (aka chick flicks). I watched one recently that the main characters ended up together in the end, seemingly conquering all. But it left something definitely wanting. I can't figure out the thrill of a love story that can only come about with the ending of another one. In the movie, the lead female is unmarried and available. However, our male lead is already married. How can I find joy in the ending of someone's happily ever after, even if supposedly they're starting another happily ever after? I just don't think if the name of the movie was "Married, In Love and Committed... Until Something Better Comes Along" that we would all go running, hoping to see an uplifting movie. But wasn't that the story? Maybe not the story they meant to emphasize, but I saw one woman's hopes smashed. How could I watch a marriage end and then sigh contentedly at the end when the husband was with another woman? And what would make us think the next relationship would last if they weren't even willing to work on the last one? Each had promised before God and man that they were going to hold dear and love through the easy and the hard. Did our supposed hero do that? Did our heroine even think twice when her man left his wife for her? Has that really what we've come to? I would hate to think that the best I could hope for in a relationship--particularly in a marriage-- is for a few years of committment. I know that's not what people think they'll do at the beginning, but how can they justify it after a few or even many years? I knew I found my soulmate when I knew he saw so many of my failings and still chose to marry me. Throughout our marriage we've had some serious differences of opinion. We've had intense arguments. We even went 3 days without speaking one time. I don't tell you these things to brag, to air dirty laundry or even to just spout off. I tell you these things to say that there have been days when I'm not sure I didn't just growl at the sight of my husband. But I think true love stories all have these moments. Those are the times that show our committment, not the easy days. When do our marriage vows or covenants no longer matter? I must have missed the fine print at the bottom that says, "These promises you've made are null and void if you feel boredom, discontentment, anger, frustration or you've 'fallen out of love'".  So I pose these questions: Can we really justify lying to God and man? Do we even feel we've lied when we quit and say, "I'm done"?  Just food for thought... I do have to stop here and say that I'm not one of those people who thinks that no matter what there's no reason to divorce. Obviously when we are being abused, when someone else has broken their vows or things of that caliber, to stay would be detrimental to ourselves and any children that are in our marriage in many cases. But what I am saying is that the idea that "We're not in love" is a ridiculous excuse to call it quits. That you argue, disagree, whatever you want to call your differences, isn't even reason enough in my mind. If you bring two people together who are from seperate families, different cultures, different hobbies, friends, passions, etc, how can there not be conflict and disagreement? How many people who have been married for many years can honestly say they haven't had days, weeks, months and, yes, even years, when their marriage has not been exactly happily ever after? When they have felt that they are no longer "in love" with their spouse? When they are giving 100% and feel like they're getting nil in return? But haven't we all made promises to each other and to God that we would work together and take care of each other through the easy days and the rough years? That means something to me. That should mean something to everyone.

What kind of love story do you want? What are you willing to do to have it?

Okay, that's it. I'm off my soapbox...for now.

Rash

I have to admit almost nothing can get me in more of a tizzy healthwise than an unexplained rash that pops up overnight on my body. Really? At my age? What in the world can I be reacting to? I can deal with health issues going on with my husband and kids so much betther than myself. Maybe it's the itch that causing my mind to overreact. Maybe it's the fact that I think if it is something serious, then what am I going to do? Who's going to take care of me? The simple answer is me...while I'm taking care of everyone else. True this is a sob story that every mom goes through, but I'm still going to pout about it just a minute...cause that's all the time I've got until someone needs something. Seriously, though it's a good thing I've got a Dermatologist in the family that's all I have to say. If I can just get the itching manageable, today won't be bad.

OUT OF SHAPE

I have to admit I am not in shape for my upcoming triathlon. I swam yesterday and felt pretty good, but when I woke up and went for a run, BLAH! My poor legs are not used to running outside anymore. Considering the triathlon is only a month away, I'm toast. Oh well, I wasn't really hoping to do great in it, but I really didn't want to do worse than I did last year. I guess I should have been better about training. Any good suggestions for quick training? It's just a short triathlon so I don't really need a lot of endurance, just enough to drag my carcass over the line in a respectable time. Tonight I'm riding 20 miles on the bike. We'll see how that goes. Luckily for me, my husband agreed to come with me, so if worse comes to worst (is that even how that saying goes?) I'll just draft off of him the whole time. We'll see how I feel tomorrow...

Testing Boundaries

I have to admit I'm not a huge fan of my 4 year-old's boundary checks every day. How many times do the same boundaries need to be tested? Doesn't he know that I'm very serious about nap time? Hasn't he realized that toys will be taken away (just like yesterday) if he continues to throw raging fits? And privileges will disappear if I hear name calling (like you're a freaking stupid head) aimed at me or anyone else. I know every child has to go through it and that it's good for them. Of course every child needs boundaries. Otherwise all they would eat is candy, they would only sleep when sheer exhaustion made them and they would only learn respect from the university of hard knocks. I guess I never expected it to be so hard to take privileges away. I want to give my kids everything to make them happy. But paradoxically sometimes the things that make them most happy are things that leave them in tears. Sometimes the thing that is best for them is a firm "No". Sometimes I have to watch him fall for him to learn. That's hard. I've kind of digressed from Testing Boundaries, but coming full circle, the best thing I can do for my son is to let him know that there are boundaries and they are set for his benefit, not to his detriment. Now if he will only learn that...

Fairy Tales

I have to admit I love to watch or read new spins on old fairy tales. Some have been better than others, but a new take is always appreciated. They don't even have to be fairy tales. I have seen 5 or more versions of "Pride and Prejudice", "Sense and Sensibility" and "Emma". Recently I have watched some remakes of fairy tales and I've liked seeing all these new twists. I watched the new Red Riding Hood, which I didn't so much like. (Way too many bad computer graphics for me). Today I watched Mirror, Mirror. While I wouldn't rave about it, it was clever, fun and predictable in lots of good ways. You have the evil Queen, the Prince, Snow White, the 7 Dwarves and a magic mirror, yet it's not exactly your Disney Snow White. But isn't it fun to watch movies for the story's sake and not necessarily to see the best movie ever made? My husband would disagree. He can't stand these types of movies that aren't terrible but aren't that great either. Not to mention that I would say this one is aimed toward a much younger crowd than me and my husband. But what can I say, I'm easy to please. Plus I watched it with my 4 year-old son and I didn't have to worry about it being graphic, inappropriate or scary at all. I will say this is a good family movie.

Really?

I have to admit I just yelled loudly at one of my 2 year-olds. Imagine this scenario. I'm packing and cleaning my house so that I can go to my family reunion. As I was just finishing up in the kitchen, I heard a blood-curdling scream come from one of my little girls. As I came up the stairs I saw the other one with a cup in her hand going for the toilet. She dipped the cup into the toilet and then commenced in dumping it everywhere. Really? Apparently the one now screaming had come in, slipped on the completely wet floor and she was now covered in toilet water with a sweet bang on the back of the head. Lovely! What added to the drama was my son informing me that he hadn't flushed after the last round on the john (luckily it wasn't # 2). What a mess! I'm not proud of the decible level my shouting reached, but I do have to say I didn't swear, I didn't name-call, and it didn't last very long. I just told her, in a very LOUD voice that I was extremely upset. What a day! You'd think that after all the times I've told her no, and the swat on the bum she received for DRINKING the toilet water--yes she really did drink it--that she'd stay away from it. But no. What is the facination with it, anyway? Is it just the water? Doesn't she get enough water time with the water balloons we throw often, the swimming we do nearly every day and the baths she has all the time? Hmm... I suppose not. I just hope it never happens again. Nasty, Nasty, NASTY!!!!!

Family Reunions

I have to admit I love family reunions. While they may not have had the same appeal as a kid as they do now, I think I've always been fond of spending time around family, both immediate and extended. This week my immediate family will get together for our annual family reunion. Doing this is quite as feat as there are 11 of us kids, seven of which are married, with 24 grandkids and one on the way. That means there are over 40 people converging on one house (well some will sleep the night in a hotel nearby) to eat, play, laugh, swim, and talk, talk, TALK! One year my oldest sister, always the one with stupendous ideas, decided we needed this one time a year when we could all get together, so she hosted the first annual reunion. She planned it to the T complete with a talent show, scrumptious food (much was homemade), a kids Olympics, and an adult Olympics. Each year, many of these things have become tradition, with each family putting their own twist on things. When we went to the Pharmacist's house, one of the "Olympic" events was using an old beaker to pour water into another beaker. (I think I might have gotten 3 drops in. It definitely requires a steady hand). This year will be no different. We get to go to Southern California, and partake of the beautiful summer weather there. We will have a beach day, a sort of Hollywood day (we'll be doing other things around there, but we're all looking forward to family pics in front of the Hollywood sign) and a lazier day where we'll get to hang out at the house and swim. Like I said totally summer activities. But my personal favorite that I absolutely can't wait for is the visiting. I'm a talker and I can talk. But then, so can all my siblings and parents. The in-laws are getting better and just jumping in, but sometimes they have to take a break because we can be pretty intense. (I just have to give a shout out to any of my brothers in-law who may be reading. We'll try not to go over all the labor and delivery stories again this year. That's a tradition I know they could all do without. But with somebody pregnant each time, who can resist, right?) Anyway, I can't wait to be with my family. This week is going to be AWESOME!!!!! I'll let you know how it goes when I get back...

Bee Stings

I have to admit I hate seeing my kids get hurt. My sweet little guy got stung by a bee as we were swimming today. One second he was getting out to jump in the pool again and the next he was screaming, squashing a bee on his head. I had to pull the stinger out and it made me feel just miserable to see not only the pain he was going through, but the trauma. He just kept saying over and over, "This is my first bee sting" like it's going to happen again over and over. I just hope it doesn't. My husband is extremely allergic to bees, so I'm hoping that he didn't pass that on to our kids, otherwise we're going to have to have lots of epipens on hand, especially if the kids are as fond of the outdoors as my husband.

Delayed

I have to admit I hate delayed flights. My husband went and did a big mountain bike race in Colorado this weekend so I've been soloing it since Thursday night. It's been fine and we've been really looking forward to seeing him in about an hour. But he just called and said that his connector flight is delayed for 2 hours. This may not be a problem most of the time, but the kids are 4 and 2. There is NO WAY I'm going to let them stay up that late so we can go pick him up together. But waking them up to pick him up doesn't seem extremely appealing either... Needless to say tonight is going to be fun.

Monsoons

I have to admit there is nothing more wonderful than monsoon season. When it started getting way too warm in April, I worried if I would positively melt before July when monsoon season hits. But I made the most of it and spent every afternoon in my pool with the kids to ease the heat a bit. Imagine my surprise when I didn't have to wait for the end of July to roll around before we got our monsoons. Now to those who haven't experienced these magical rainstorms, let me try to describe them. Most of them begin with a very sunny morning, maybe a few clouds in the sky, but it looks more like a wonderful day that will be wonderfully hot in the afternoon. Around noon or one, you can look south and start to see more clouds coming your way. And that's when I get excited. For about an hour before the rains hit, you can hear the distant rumblings of thunder getting louder and louder. If you take a peek every 20 minutes like I do, it's amazing to see the deep, dark gray of the clouds as they get nearer and nearer. Once they are overhead, you will hear about 20 seconds of the soft pitter-patter of rain, then it becomes a torrent. It's amazing that you can hear the size of the raindrops getting bigger and bigger as they fall with greater force on the roof. The downpour usually only lasts for about 20 minutes, but you can hear the rain coming off the roof for about another 5 minutes, almost like it couldn't quite keep up with the rain. These short cloud bursts can come once an afternoon or several times, but each time it's amazing! Two nights ago we had our worst storm that I've ever lived through here. It rained torrentially for about 2 hours, complete with a brilliant lightening show accompanied by the symphony of thunder and rain. At times the flashes were so close I knew I should be hearing thunder, but couldn't because of the drumming of the rain on the roof. Spectacular, that's the only word for it.

I do have to put one little side-note about monsoons, when the clouds roll in, but they don't release the rain, don't stand next to me because I'll be the sweatiest, stinkiest person. But those days are few and far between. Usually they dump the much-needed rain, creating an artistic feast for every sense I have.

Late Night Serenade

I have to admit I've never wanted to put an animal out of its misery more than I did last night. We have been having some lovely monsoons but they usually keep themselves to late afternoon-early evening. However, last night we had a DOWNPOUR that lasted several hours. After falling into a fitfull sleep because of all the lightening and thunder, I woke up at 1:30 to the most obnoxious, loud sound. I wasn't even quite sure what it was that was making the sound because it was so rhythmic that I figured it must be a machine. But it sounded like it was in my backyard, so how could it be a machine? After looking out the windows and seeing nothing to confirm the machine idea, I decided I needed to investigate further. Keep in mind, it's pouring rain and there is NO WAY I'm going out there to see if it's an animal. It could have been a bobcat, a mountain lion (remote, but still a possibility) a javelina, or even just an extremely loud frog. (The rain pounding on the roof and the thunder were making it hard to actually place the sound. All I know is it was LOUD!!!) As I searched for a powerful enough flashlight to shine out in the backyard, I saw two of my neighbor's lights go on, so I knew that this poor creature was keeping more than just myself awake. Anyway, long story short, I shined the light out in the backyard and the noise stopped. I didn't see anything, but whatever it was saw me because it stopped...bawling? Would that be the right word to describe the sound. When I turned the light off, it started it all up again. We played this cat and mouse game a couple of times and then I decided that shining my flashlight really wasn't doing anything and that I'd better just go back to bed because I certainly wasn't going to venture out in the rain at 1:30 in the morning when it could be any number of creatures. I ended up listening to it for about an hour until the rain let up a little and it stopped making noise...or moved to another place to make noise...or I just finally was so extremely exhausted that my body just let me sleep through it. I love to see the wildlife around here, but seriously, I hope that whatever that was NEVER comes back.

Ragnar Relay

I have to admit I didn't want to do another Ragnar after I did my first one. I was exhausted. I ran more miles than I'd ever run in a 36 hour period. I felt slow. I felt lame for walking part of the last leg. I wanted my husband and kids. There was nothing that was going to persuade me to do it again. Fast forward 3 weeks ( yes it was only three weeks) and I decided that maybe it would be fun to do it again with my family. There are 11 of us siblings and I figured between us and our spouses we could come up with 12 daring folks who would be willing to give up some sleep and a weekend to do something crazy with me. So far, we've talked about it and I've gotten committments from 8 people. I think that's pretty good, but I've got to get the salewoman in me to get 4 more poor shmucks to join us. Really I'm excited at the prospect. There is definitely a sense of accomplishment when you're done, realizing that 12 people just ran 200 miles. It definitely gets you closer to those with whom you ride. (I'm sure the girls I rode with last year became privy to things about me that they didn't need to, but such is the experience, right?). Anyway, this post is to put it out there that I'm going to do the Ragnar again so that I can't chicken out. Here goes nothing...

Personal Assistant

I have to admit (just once in my marriage) sometimes I feel like a personal assistant instead of a wife. I'm not angry complaining, just exhausted complaining I guess. It's understandable that I get to run errands because I'm at home all day and he's at work all day. But sometimes, just sometimes I want to not have to get the oil changed, fax off this, that and the other, call so-and-so, pick up such-and-such, deliver the thingamajig, fix that doohickey, and don't forget the watcha-ma-callit. There, I've said it. I've had my rant and it's over. I've got to call someone now and then go run an errand or two. :)

Potty Training...Again

I have to admit I'm REALLY discouraged about potty training. After another tough day trying to get my girls to go potty, I called my mom hoping that somehow all the times I've talked with her about it she'd forgotten to tell me some amazing thing that's sure to get your child to go. Unfortunately after potty-training 11 kids, she still couldn't help with my dilemma. Although I did realize that maybe I'm just pushing it too early for these girls. Or maybe it's not too early, maybe there is this strange almost black hole of time in a toddlers life that if you try to potty train them during that time the black hole just sucks days and months out of your life with nothing to show but dry potties and wet eyes. Just kidding it's not quite that bad...most days. But really how hard it is to relax and let gravity and nature take its course? Obviously extremely hard for two little girls. I do have to say that it helps to melt a little bit of the stress when one of them looks at me in her most adorable way and says, "You're cute" to me. She must know when I need a pick-me-up.

Independence Day

I have to admit I'm rather patriotic. What can I say, I love America and being an American. I love to sing patriotic songs. I love the stars and stripes. I love the fireworks. I love the history. As some of you know, I graduated with a Bachelor's in history. I loved almost every class I took. There is a wealth of knowledge out there about our past and I loved soaking it in. Going through those classes, I obviously heard and read about things that made me less than proud to be an American. But as I studied more of the good men and women who serve in this country, both as officials and just as neighbors and in their communities, I was and am reminded about why I'm proud to be an American. I don't agree with everything that goes on in our government, but isn't it great that I can make that opinion known without the thought of repercussions to myself and family? I see much that isn't working in our country and many people who would want to give their freedoms away and others who would gladly take them. But I still stand strong in the belief that we have been given a great gift by the founding fathers who, through blood, sweat and tears, gave us the foundation of a great country. The idea that any man and any woman can make of themselves who they want to be. How powerful is that? We need not be hampered. We can reach out and grasp that dream. Many people may feel that they cannot reach their dreams because of poverty, abuse and neglect and that's when the coming together of the communities and nation comes in. When things started to get bad, the colonists pulled together. Did they have all the exact same goals and desires for their new country? No! (The Constitutional Convention that took place after the Revolution amply shows that). But in the end, they knew for America to work that there had to be compromise, support of one another and unity. Just because the United States was established didn't mean that things ran smoothly even for a little bit. There has always been turmoil when it comes to what is best for the nation. But the most successful parts of American history boil down to the unity in the idea that America can offer each person freedom. This is really what it means to me to be an American. The idea isn't just freedom for me and my family, but for you and your family as well. We succeed as a people when we seek to preserve not only our own freedoms, but for those around us as well. When this isn't the case, people set themselves above one another, freedoms are squashed and domination abounds. But when we seek not only for ourselves, but true freedom for all, it is the unselfish that comes out; tt is the "what can I do for you" not "what's in it for me" that is forefront in our thoughts. To me, it's like marriage (or any other relationship really). For it to work, we have to think about all the other people involved. We have to work--HARD. There will be times when we feel we're giving everything and not getting much in return. But then when you come out the other side, you realize that it's even better now than it was before. I think after all these ramblings I'm able to put what being an American is to me. It's working hard, taking responsibility for my own personal choices and actions, serving those around me in my neighborhood, community and nation and seeking what is best for me, my family and the nation as a whole. That's the American I want to be.

Snickerdoodles

I have to admit that I have another weakness besides brownies; it's snickerdoodles. I'll be honest, pretty much anything that has the sugar/cinnamon combo is going to be a favorite of mine. But snickerdoodles, I'm sure it's the aforementioned combo plus an ample amount of butter that make these cookies impossible to resist. Every time I make them for my husband, I tell myself that I'm going to eat just one and then I find myself wolfing down a second, third and fourth. Yes, I ate four cookies and then decided I'd better stop...until after dinner. This is where my will-power does come in. It's mind over matter to keep myself from indulging in just one more before dinner. I guess I can be happy and applaud even the smallest success, right?

Taxidermy

I have to admit that taxidermy is really kind of interesting. We have a museum where we live that has tons of taxidermied (I know that's not a real verb probably, but it's the best I could come up with) animals and my kids love to go there during the summer when it's just too hot to go to the zoo. Their insect room is phenomenal, in a as-long-as-it's-here-and-not-in-my-house sort of way. You wouldn't believe the size of some things that are technically considered insects. I would term them as small rodents myself. They have a live tarantula that is every bit as frightening as I thought it would be seeing it in real life. They also have hissing cockroaches - as if they needed anything else to make them more loathsome than they already are - from Madagascar that are easily 2-3 inches long. May I NEVER find one of them in my house. Anyway, I have to just say that it's awesome to finally live in a town long enough to find some of these hidden gems.

Potty Training (the First of Many Posts, I'm Sure)

I have to admit I am not good at potty training. My son was SO easy to potty train. The first time I put him on the potty, he went. And he went every time thereafter. That's not to say that we didn't have accidents, because those were plentiful, but I really didn't have to sit with him hoping that he'd go. He understood the idea that the potty was where we do our business, so that's what he did.

Fast forward two years and here I am trying to potty train two girls. Everyone always says potty training girls is easier. But the people who say that didn't have my son, nor do they have my daughters. I have sat there with my girls for HOURS waiting for them to finally go. The first time, I sat with them for 2 1/2 hours letting them stand up and stretch every so often so that they didn't get stiff and totally uncomfortable. (You wouldn't believe the amount of singing and book reading you can do in 2 1/2 hours!) When I was giving them one such break, one of them took the opportunity to relieve herself all over the floor, very adeptly keeping her potty completely dry. Needless to say, potty training came to a dead halt that day. Who has the energy to keep going after something like that? Certainly not me.

About 2 weeks later, I was ready to try again. (This was 1 week ago). I sat there with them for 3 1/2 hours until my one daughter finally went. Then I sat for another hour and when my other daughter finally let 3 drops out (literally), I called it good and put them down for a nap. That was exhausting! So today I sat with them for 2 1/2 hours before they went (about 10 minutes apart thank goodness!). After such a success, I knew I needed a new tactic. I opted to just leave them bare naked to see it they would continue to hold it. The last time I put undies on them immediately after they went, and we had about 4 different accidents in about 10 minutes. How is that possible when they just went on the potty? I'm not sure. Anyway, all went well until I turned around about 1/2 hour later to see my daughter going on the floor. When I let out a yelp, she stopped and actually held it until I got her on the potty, where she finished. I would call today a success, but I have this sneaking suspicion that with such a victory today tomorrow is going to be...trying again.

Please let me know, am I missing something in potty training? Or was I just totally spoiled the first time and I'm now simply experiencing reality for everyone else? What tricks are there out there? Help!

Handy Man

I have to admit I am the man! The handy man. I totally figured out how to take apart the pool filter system today, clean it, put it all back together and now it works better than before I started messing with it. You can just call me Mrs. Handy Man. There are still so many things that I have no idea how to do, but day by day and year by year I am getting more handy. Like the other day I patched up some cracks in the stucco. All I need to do is paint it and we're good to go. My goal is to one day know how to literally build my own house...not that I'll actually build it, but wouldn't it be awesome if you knew how? That would mean that you could probably fix pretty much anything that went wrong in your house. Or what about knowing about cars? I would love to not have to spend any money (particularly because I don't ever want to be charged too much) on car repairs, house repairs, etc. I know it's totally nerdy, but there you have it.

Today

I have to admit today is not a super day for me. Do you ever have those days where nothing huge went wrong, but in general you woke up and from the get-go you knew it was going to be one of those days? That's today for me. My kids cry and whine at some point every day, so why is it today that I just can't deal with it very well? My kids talk back to me nearly every day, so why am I taking it so personally today? My house is never super clean, so why does it seem that it has to be especially dirty today? Like I said, nothing horrible, but today seems just a bit BLAH!

Time

I have to admit I'm amazed when I think of how long I've been married. Getting married at the ripe old age of 19, it shouldn't strike me with such force that it's been 9 years since we got married. There have been so many good memories with which those years have been filled. We were married 5 years before we had any kids. Somehow those 5 years of marriage zoomed by much faster than any set of 5 years prior to that. There are two years between my son and my twin girls. How did those two years fly by so quickly? And yet, I think about the fact that my girls are over 2 now and I'm amazed at how quickly time has passed. Yet in the same thought, it feels that they've been part of the family forever. When I was a teenager, time could not go quickly enough. Grade school seemed to take forever. Then middle school. Finally high school. I was ready to begin life and really start living. And I have, I just didn't know that life starts going double-time after you reach about 18 years old. My mom insists that it only gets worse, that in a blink of an eye my babies will be teenagers. Blink again and they'll have their own kids. My task now is to find joy in each moment because it does pass all too quickly. Although day to day, sometimes I find myself thinking, "I can't wait until..." But here I am looking back on life wishing I could go back to younger me and say, "Don't live in the future. Live in the present, doing all you can each moment to make the most of it". If I want to say that to the younger me, then it follows that the current me needs to hear it too. So here's to living for each moment before they are all to quickly gone.

Home Decor

I have to admit I have a very tailored taste in home decor. Whenever I go out with my sweet mother in-law, we will each point out the things that we like and inevitably they are polar opposites. Actually that's not true, sometimes we find things we both like and we are both extremely surprised. Usually when I point out something I like, she says, "It's very tailored" which says everything. I like stripes. I like straight lines. I like things with big patterns. Things with little patterns are extremely distracting to me. Everything in the room has to match (that's not to say that my house is currently that way, but I really would love it if it was). I don't like sofas that have patterns (unless they are very subtle). I don't like the ornate bedspreads (unless their patterns are big of course). I don't like oriental rugs (they're too distracting with all the different things to look at). I do like symmetry. I do like geometric designs. Having said all this, I do go into people's houses that do have non-tailored houses and really like them. Many of them are extremely beautiful and I could live in them comfortably. But somehow when I'm out and about picking out things for my own home, I gravitate to the very tailored.

Disney

I have to admit I really enjoy watching some of the Disney shows with my kids. I get a real kick out of watching my son laugh hysterically when he gets the jokes. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is one of the kids' favorites and the best part for my son is when Goofy says "Mouska Tools" wrong; it always makes him crack up. We have been enjoying the old Duck Tales show too and they have some great one liners. I won't bore you with them, but let's just say that I don't find myself completely bored when I watch something with my kids. Thank goodness that they have realized that parents usually have to tune in with the kids so they give at least a little comic relief to the parents. I have seen some kids shows that I just couldn't even stand to watch, so thanks Disney for being considerate of the parents too!

Painting Nails

I have to admit I'm terrible at painting my nails. I don't even attempt my fingernails because it's just hopeless. And when I paint my toenails, I just hope they're far enough away from everybody's eyes that they won't be able to see how amateur I am. I let my 4 year-old boy help me paint my nails today and I hate to admit that it didn't really look much different than it usually does. And I don't think that's because I have a particularly talented nail-painting son. Oh well, hopefully over the years it will get better. It hasn't so far, but here's the hope. Any tips?

Education

I have to admit I love numbers. When I think about what I graduated in, I wish I hadn't gone that route. I know that right now it doesn't make much difference what I graduated in because I wouldn't exactly be imparting that sort of knowledge to my little ones, but I can't help thinking about how much I enjoyed my first two years of classes in college. I started out doing all I could to get my MAcc (Masters of Accounting). I loved all the classes I took and (if I do say so myself) I was good at them. I was a shoe in for the BYU accounting program because I was a girl and because I had a super GPA. What, then, could cause me to stop that and pursue something else? The what is actually a who. Yep that's right, I met my husband and the dreams that had been mine had to be combined with his to be our dreams. I shouldn't make it sound like he wasn't completely supportive; he was, absolutely. But I knew that we both had a lot of schooling ahead of us and I figured life would be just that much easier for us financially if I could get a full time job, shoot for a quicker graduation date and put him through school. That's what I decided to do, and we've been able to stay free of student loans thanks to some sweet jobs I was able to get before and after graduation (and of course, help from parents).

I thought that would be the end of it, but I still find myself counting things all the time and thinking about how much I love numbers. Nerdy, right? But I can't help it. I commented to my husband one time about how often I find myself counting things. I know how many strokes I need to take in my pool to swim 20 minutes. I know how many steps it took to walk around the mall once when I would walk there before the shops open (incidentally you wouldn't believe how many people walk around the mall for exercise before the stores all open). When I feel like quitting on my runs, I just count out 100 steps and usually I've slowed down my breathing enough to keep going. I thought all these things were normal and everyone did them. Until I mentioned some of these things to Paul, and then I realized I truly have OCD of some sort. Or a love? Can you love numbers? Is it like loving art and design and music? In any case, there's my secret. I admitted it: I love numbers.

Father's Day

I have to admit that I have an amazing husband. People (including my husband) have asked me before what it is that I love most about him, and up to this day I haven't exactly been able to pinpoint one thing that means the most to me. But today he actually voiced it himself. He said, "I'm always wanting to know how I can be better". That opitomizes him. He wants to be better. A better Dad, a better husband, a better cyclist, better at work, a better son. (The list goes on, but I'll stop there). I know that I can trust someone who is always striving to be better. I know that I can feel comfort in knowing that any problems that may arise between us will eventually be resolved because we're always working to be better. How can there be someone better for me? I don't think there is. In fact, there isn't. He is perfect for me. Cliche, right? True nonetheless. I am blessed to have married the man of my dreams. Happy Father's Day, honey!

Company

I have to admit one of my worst fears is that anyone will come over to my house when it is a wreck and see how it really looks most of the time. The other fear that I have, though, is that after I make the effort to clean it up that I'll somehow overlook something that my company will find disgusting. Do you ever feel that you've seen your house so much and have overlooked certain things for so long that you don't even notice them anymore? I'm having people over for Father's Day tonight and I'm going through these emotions right now. Have I gotten all the kid's finger prints off the walls? Did I clean up the toilet after my son's last visit there? Is there a wet diaper in any of the bathroom trash cans that is making the room stink? But worst of all, is there anything that they'll not that I haven't done that I'm not even aware I should be doing? That would be bad. But I'm feeding them right? Hopefully that will distract them if there is anything I've missed. But what if my food is bad? Oh well, that's another topic for another time. Happy hosting!

My Name is Mom

I have to admit some days I don't want my name to be Mom. This is one of those days and unfortunately, it's not even because of antics from my kids. I woke up today very restless and decided that today my name needed to be Heather, not Mom. But as everyone knows, Mom doesn't always get to hang up her hat when she wants. So instead of indulging in the books, crafts, piano, singing and shopping that I really wanted to do, I cleaned my house instead. I know that's just crazy sounding to some, but it was a way for me to still be able to do the Mom thing without lashing out at my kids and I was able to do something for me. Many days I just feel guilty spending the time it really takes to get my house clean (is everyone like that or is it just me?) because it takes away from my kids. But today I got into the toy bins and cleaned them out. I got into the closets and pulled out all the clothes that are too small for the kids. I dusted, I vacuumed (sad to say but the dusting hasn't really been done much since we moved in) and now after 4 exhausting hours, my upstairs is officially clean. Now I can move on to my main floor and the lower level... But today I was able to get passed the Mom blues by putting on the housewife hat. And you know what? My kids were no worse for the wear. They actually played together quite a bit today (which does NOT usually happen when I choose to clean). I think Heavenly Father knew I needed that. Hopefully after I get them in bed tonight I can sit down to do one of the other activities that I really wanted to do....

Art

I have to admit I was not blessed with any ability at all in the artistic realm when it comes to drawing, coloring, painting, etc. I feel that I can be "crafty" but my hands were not meant to portray things on paper in any way but completely elementary. After reading my sister's blog tonight it was completely confirmed when I saw that her sons had not only surpassed me at their ripe ages of 10 and 12, but that their understanding of all things artistic is in a realm that I haven't even begun to get to. What children that age innately understand the idea of shadowing? Or the concept of putting two characters together into one body? I guess it may come naturally to some, but I am not one of those. I like to sit back and enjoy the creativity and talent of others, especially when I find that I have no particular talent in that area. So artists of the world, keep creating for those of us who can enjoy the end products but have not a lick of talent to create them ourselves.

Funny or not?

I have to admit sometimes when I should be disciplining (or maybe just stopping) my kids, I sit there and laugh instead. Take yesterday as an example, I specifically told James it was quiet time and he needed to stay in his room. If he came out, there were going to be privileges taken away.  After about 3 minutes, I heard him scurry downstairs, climb up on the counter in the kitchen and get a package of fruit snacks. I positioned myself at the foot of the stairs and waited for him to round the corner from the kitchen. When he saw me, he kind of jumped, then not missing a beat said, " I was getting you a snack, Mom." While I knew it was TOTALLY a lie, I couldn't keep a straight face. As quickly as I could, I wiped the grin away and told him he could have them if he took a nap. Surprisingly enough, he actually did take a nap. I guess somtimes it pays to be nice to get something you want.

Sisters

I have to admit, 24 hrs+3 sisters+1 road trip+0 sleep= an excellent time. I got to go hang with my sister who is 38 weeks pregnant for about 24 hours while her husband was picking up his son so he could be with them this summer. One of my other sisters generously agreed to come along for the 7 hours of driving and we had a great day. My sisters are wise. My sisters are good wives. My sisters are good mothers. My sisters are tremendous examples. What would my world be like without my dear sisters?

Chick Flicks

I have to admit I am a sucker for chick flicks, but maybe not the ones most women like. I'd categorize myself as a tween-to-thirty in my tastes because I still watch all the ones geared toward teenagers (like Ella Enchanted) and the ones that are geared to an older audience...unless I read the reviews and it has raunch in it (these movies are becoming fewer and farther between). I somehow leave the teenage movies usually feeling more uplifted than the other ones. I guess I have a hard time letting go of the ick that is often present in today's movies. I really love to see movies where people really fall in love first. Not the ones where they're sleeping around only to realize later that they're in love with someone that they haven't slept with. Or they have, but they've been around the block since then. Where is the love and devotion in that? I'm conservative, I know. But there's something really cute about watching people who are nervous just to hold hands with each other for the first time. Or the real awkwardness of a first kiss because you've reserved such displays of affection for someone you really care about. How sad it is that these are only portrayed in the movies for the younger generation. Do we really need to see everything in a physical relationship to get a love story? I think not. I've seen on numerous occasions where love stories have continued after the passing of a spouse. I saw it in my Grandmother who remembered the love she and my Grandpa had, not in their physical affection but in their children, in their dancing and in the lives--both the happy and the sad--that they lived and loved through together. That's a love story. I would like to see the talented people of Hollywood to portray a true love story. Not just the beginning of one where we see their small bud of love bring about a marriage. But the love of a lifetime that is true, deep and lasting love. That's a movie I will pay to see over and over.

Challenges

I have to admit some things may seem small to some, but usually the little things seem the hardest for me. Ironically, it wasn't the displacement from our home for a few days until we could get all the ick that was making us all sick out and the new carpet in that was hard for me, it is the cleaning up afterward that's hard. I stare and stare at the mess all day and it still doesn't clean itself up. Doesn't it know I'm tired and that the piles just seem to be getting higher and higher? Doesn't it know that I'm still cleaning up breakfast when lunch should be gotten ready? Doesn't it know that there are 3 loads of laundry still to fold from the day we left? Hmm...and yet still it sits there mocking me. Oh well, I guess I'll just go down to the one room that's clean (our den) and just veg there until I'm ready to go to bed. I'll get to the mess tomorrow. :)

Brownies

I have to admit, I can't turn down brownies. I'm getting much better about not eating so many sweets and things that generally unhealthy. But I can't refuse brownies. I don't make them very often because I'm not joking when I say I can eat a whole pan of brownies in one day. My nephew made brownies yesterday (thanks Kade!) and they were scrumptious! It was a good thing I had to leave to come back home only a few hours after they were made because I was able to keep my consumption down to just 3 LARGE brownies.

First Day of School

I have to admit that even though I've been worrying about, crying over and denying the inevitability of this day, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Now I know that he's only doing preschool two days a week and he isn't really "officially" registered in school, but my boy started school today. He went to bed really early without any problems last night in anticipation of today. Somehow through all my worrying, I actually wasn't as well prepared as I should have been: one tennis shoe was never found and his snack was only half packed. But we made it and he did great! It was a little bittersweet, but I didn't even shed a tear today. Really it was fun getting him out of the car, putting his backpack on him, signing him in, introducing him to his new teacher and then walking out the door. He came back excited and actually said, "Mom, today is an excellent day." Then he broke out into his own song that didn't really have a defined tune, but the words went something like this, "Today is a great day! Today I went to preschool!" I couldn't help but laugh and realize that my son growing up is exciting for me too when I see him learn new things and gain important experiences. Today was a great day! Today my son went to preschool!

Overambitious Errands

I have to admit, sometimes I'm over ambitious with my errand-running. Like today for example, I had about 10 things that I needed to pick up that ranged from big (like the water drums) to small (like screws). I thought if I just took out the captain seats in the middle that I would have plenty of room...which I did after taking some things out of there boxes and shoving things here, there and everwhere. 

Sometimes, though, the overambition comes from not the quantity I need to carry, but overestimating my children's patience with errand running. Don't let these faces fool you, after I got the doors shut and the car on, the thumbs came out of the mouths and they let me have it. Apparently doing all my errands in one day doesn't always work for them.

Power Tools

I have to admit, I feel like THE WOMAN having just purchased several power tools for my upcoming tiling project. We shouldn't be proud, I know, but it's amazing how cool you feel when you walk into Home Depot knowing exactly what tools you want (having researched the best buys before getting there) and being able to have an intelligent conversation with the workers when they ask if they can help and you know exactly what power, size, weight that you want your tools to be. Let's just say I wasn't the only one impressed with me. Ha, just kidding. But really I feel extremely excited and empowered having the right tools to get this job done. Hopefully I'll be posting awesome pictures soon of my project (if it turns out awesome...otherwise you'll just get pictures of my failed attempt).

Do-It-Yourself

I have to admit, I love doing do-it-yourself projects...as long as they save money. I love to learn new skills and put them to use. Even though, this is the case, I still feel that I am seriously lacking in some key skills such as using a saw. If push came to shove, I think I could do it, but I'm by no means experienced doing it. I'm also lacking in the electricity department. I would LOVE to know how to take out one fixture and put in another one. Well really I don't have alot of experience doing much of anything but your basics (crafting, lightbulb changing, computer trouble-shooting), but I want to. My dad is INCREDIBLE when it comes to knowing something about everything and I would love to be that. What would it be like to have the skills necessary to build your own house if you needed to? Or what would it be like to be an Iron Chef? Or maybe even an accomplished hair dresser? My skills are seriously lacking in these areas, but the desire is there. I've made a goal (haven't stuck to it really well, but it's there all the same) to read some kind of a non-fiction book every month to expand my knowledge of practical things. So far I've started several, but have yet to finish any of them (sad, I know) but even having not finished them, I've gained lots just by reading through part of them. I've kind of gotten off my do-it-yourself topic, but I'll pull it around, one of the books that I want to check out next is a tile do-it-yourself book. We have a bathroom that's carpet currently, but needs to be tile instead. Wouldn't it be so awesome if I could do it myself? What bragging rights!

Preschool

I have to admit, I'm the one having a hard time sending my boy to preschool, not him. For months (well maybe it's even been a year now) my husband has been trying to convince me that our son needs preschool. "He'll love it. I loved it when I was his age". These are his convincing words. And yet, I'm still not convinced. For months he pushed me and pushed me until in a fit of uncontrolled tears, I finally admitted what I hadn't admitted out loud to anyone, "This is it for me! This is all the time I'm going to get with our kids. We're done and that's that. But I want to savor every second I get with them." The truth was out. I wanted to savor every moment with my children because all too soon, they will all be in school and my little clan will be growing up. That admission has been out for months now too and I've been slowly getting used to the idea.

Today, I made the big step of checking out the preschool that my hubby would like our son to go to for the rest of the school year. It was really good and I was excited that he would be learning and experiencing all the things that would be good for him. Then why the nagging still in the back of my head? I realized that not only will I be facing the reality of my children being old enough to be in school and having a few hours a day to myself, but then I have to really take responsibility for what that means in my life. I'm sure not until they are in all-day school, but sometime, I'm going to have to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I will still be fairly young when my kids are graduated from high school; let's just say I can easily put in 20 years before the retirement age. I know I may be getting ahead of myself because that's still years and years away. But I can't help thinking that I was limited in my child-bearing for a reason. And now I have to figure out what that is...and for some reason that scares me.

Church

I have to admit, Church is much easier to sit through when I don't have my kids with me. I was able to sit and listen the whole time and (not that I don't feel this way on Sundays that my kids are with me, but just not usually) I even came away feeling uplifted and ready to take on the world. Even though it's not fun to come home to a house full of sickness, it was great to get a break and have it be a spiritually uplifting one at that.

Cooking Shows

I have to admit, I am a huge fan of the cooking shows Chopped and Challenge. I don't think I'm a great cook, but sure can appreciate those who are. Last night I didn't eat a big dinner and about 9 when I was watching Chopped, I couldn't help salivating over the tasty things they were cooking up. Who knows, maybe I can just absorb some of that talent if I just watch enough shows. Certainly I've learned a few things about foods that I'd never even heard of before, so maybe there is still hope...

Teaching

I have to admit, I am a terrible teacher. When Paul was in school and needed some help in his math classes, I would try to help him and we would inevitably end up in an argument. I thought at the time that it was just him wanting me to explain the whole concept in one sentence (which definitely was part of the problem). Since having children and attempting to teach them things in a preschool-type setting, I've realized that I am TERRIBLE at it. My mother in-law taught James so much during the couple of months she was with us after the girls were born including his numbers 1-10, his letters and nearly potty-training him. Since then, I've taught him what all the letters say and he's memorized some words, but somehow I don't know how to help him connect knowing the sounds of the letters and sounding out a word so that he can read. And I don't know how to explain in a way he gets the concept of numbers 11-20. The girls don't seem to be making any progress in their colors or potty-training either. I must include, though, that my attempts are not as consistant as they ought to be, but I get it in when I can. However, I've still made my conclusion: I must be a less-than-stellar teacher. It's a good thing they'll have ample opportunity to be taught by those who have a talent in teaching, otherwise I think we'd be in trouble.

Treadmill Running

I have to admit, I am so wimpy with my exercise when I get to hot. Currently I am running throughout the week on my treadmill and I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up the running as the temperature of the room gets higher and higher. I do have fans blowing on me, but somehow it doesn't make enough difference. Maybe it's a combination of the heat and boredom, but I do not reach my mileage goals very often when I have to do it on a treadmill. Ironically, though, the higher my goals, the longer I run. I wonder if I can actually trick my mind into thinking I'm going to run a really long run, when really I'll just stop when I reach my true goal....

Administering Medicine

I have to admit I am a no-nonsense, mean sort of mom when it comes to administering medicine. I'm sure that my husband thinks I'm almost cruel sometimes with my techniques. He would be more inclined to wait, talk it out with the child, make sure they're ready and if they fight, give them a few more minutes. While I, on the other hand, am not opposed to the straight-jacket method of administering medicine to get my kids well.

Currently, each of my kids has pink eye and (as anyone who's administered eye drops knows) it was a fight with each one to get those drops in. By the end, I was literally straddled across my son's chest pinning his arms to his sides, his feet kicking at my back so that I could get those dang drops in. Whew! I made it, though, and hopefully next time he'll see that it's not that bad... I know what you all are thinking, but there's the hope, right?

Nap Times

I have to admit: I'm not productive during my kids nap times. By the time it comes around in the afternoon, I am ready for a break. So while the house may be in a state of total uproar, I many times sit idly by and read a book or catch up on emails or any other number of things that aren't terribly important, but are completely relaxing. In this admission though, I feel I also need to admit that I don't like being this way. While there may be days when rest is more important than housework, there are equally many days that I've lazed away time when I should have been more productive. I want to change this about my coveted nap time, so maybe in time I'll have to amit that I've made that change. :)

A Place to Blab

I have to admit that I feel like I'm living one big lie sometimes. So here's my way of making myself feel better. While doing my best to look put together yet relaxed, athletic yet feminine, organized but not anal, kind yet firm, aware of what's going on with peopole but not a busy-body, laid back but not lazy....(I'll stop there because my list can go on and on) I HAVE TO ADMIT: I FAIL! Time and time and time again, I fail at what seems to be the easiest things. But you know what else, I HAVE TO ADMIT: I SUCCEED. Sometimes I succeed and then I fail. Sometimes I fail and then I succeed. But this blog is meant to be the admission of who I really am. My talents and my flaws. My likes and my dislikes. My joys and my sorrows. And each day, if I get around to it (again one of those things that's on my list leading to perfection) I'm going to admit one thing about myself. Brace yourself because you might just be shocked at some of the things you'll read like, I'LL ADMIT IT: I've burned macaroni and cheese before. Ha, just kidding that's not shocking necessarily, just sad. But truly, I'm going to admit things because they will help me reach my ultimate goal: to recognize who I am and love me just the way I am; to recognize who I am and adjust those things that I don't like instead of pretending it's not really me; and to let you all know that (hopefully I'm not alone in these things) there is someone out there that struggles with, feels about, hopes for, secretly loves the same things you do.